50 foot woman....15 foot crotch!

I saw an ad on TV selling plus sized maxi pads.....are they for plus sized women? Plus sized clothes, plus sized undergarments, even buying two seats on a plane I get...but this? No. I have been shopping plus sized since having my first child eight years ago, so I'm not new to this.....but aren't my thighs closer together than say....Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's? Their thighs do not touch! You could walk behind them and shove your umbrella through there and they probably wouldn't notice...except for the fact that they can't hold their heads up properly from malnutrition. Wouldn't they need the wider pad? Does being a large lady mean having a large vagina? I can honestly say I have never had this conversation..."Honey...I'm starting to think your penis may be a tad small and we should start looking into some different things that will enhance our little friend." "Actually darling...I think it's your va jay jay. It reminds me of a barrel!" I could start small forest fires the way my thighs touch when I walk! Then I realized that I wasn't taking into consideration the size of the underwear the pad needs to stick to....eureka, that's why! But even that doesn't make sense? Of course at my size I'm not wearing a thong either, I'd need a Sherpa to find that baby at the end of the day! And don't even get me started on those thong pads! Besides....I wear tampons, so what do I care? But if I ever see plus sized tampons on the market so help me!