He's not heavy, he's my brother.

I knew I never wanted to get too personal on this blog , just wanted to keep it to my daily observations of the world as I see it....but my world recently turned very dark. My little brother (by little I mean he's 25, he's a baby!) has been battling luekemia for almost three years now. He was in remission and doing very well up until the end of March this year when he found out that it's back. Two rounds of chemo later and no progress. My older brother is the bone marrow match because Nik (leukemia boy) needs a transplant. Thing is though he has to be in remission to get the transplant and that just isn't happening. I went to the hospital with my Mom and Dad yesterday to hear the results of a bone marrow test to see if he is in remission yet. It went like so....

We were all sititing around a cramped hospital room watching "You Bet Your Ass" on a three inch tv screen. The question was, "On the hit tv show Friends, what was the alias Pheobe often went by?". "SMELLY CAT!" my Mom shouted, excited that she even knew what "Friends" was. The smell of Nik's factory produced macaroni and cheese lunch on a plastic plate was making me feel like I should maybe be lying in the bed next to him with a bucket under my chin. I was reminded of a funny story and was in the middle of sharing it with my audience when a nurse and doctor walked into the room. They told us that there was still "lots" of leukemia cells in there and their options were dwindling. This short, robust oriental doctor went on to say some patients prefer to stop all efforts and just be comfortable. I suddenly wanted to hurt this litte man. I wanted to pants him until he bled through his ass like that kid in grade 5 who made fun of my Nik's winter coat....because it was the same as mine. How dare this stupid little jap talk like that about Nik! ( for the record....I am NOT racist.....was just very angry and grappling for any insult I could muster). I had to put the blame somewhere at least until I could wrap my head around this, and apparently God is taking a nap. The they left the room like the dumb, ugly piss flaps they are. Nik says "Anyways, where were you before we were so rudely interupted?" God I love that boy! He was joking of course, he's a skinny version of me with no hair, no mountaineous breasts, and a penis....what would you expect. He is feeling quite well so wasn't expecting those results. He also said he was too young to give up fighting and will take whatever they can give him. That's my boy!

I could really use copious amounts of chocolate, or alcohol, or painkillers right about now....but I'm going to throw myself into something to keep busy instead. Too many calories in chocolate. *sigh*

50 foot woman....15 foot crotch!

I saw an ad on TV selling plus sized maxi pads.....are they for plus sized women? Plus sized clothes, plus sized undergarments, even buying two seats on a plane I get...but this? No. I have been shopping plus sized since having my first child eight years ago, so I'm not new to this.....but aren't my thighs closer together than say....Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's? Their thighs do not touch! You could walk behind them and shove your umbrella through there and they probably wouldn't notice...except for the fact that they can't hold their heads up properly from malnutrition. Wouldn't they need the wider pad? Does being a large lady mean having a large vagina? I can honestly say I have never had this conversation..."Honey...I'm starting to think your penis may be a tad small and we should start looking into some different things that will enhance our little friend." "Actually darling...I think it's your va jay jay. It reminds me of a barrel!" I could start small forest fires the way my thighs touch when I walk! Then I realized that I wasn't taking into consideration the size of the underwear the pad needs to stick to....eureka, that's why! But even that doesn't make sense? Of course at my size I'm not wearing a thong either, I'd need a Sherpa to find that baby at the end of the day! And don't even get me started on those thong pads! Besides....I wear tampons, so what do I care? But if I ever see plus sized tampons on the market so help me!

Introducing Ms. Anthrope

Etymology: Greek misanthrOpos hating humankind, from misein to hate + anthrOpos human being: a person who hates or distrusts humankind.

Hence Ms. Anthrope is born. Don't get me wrong, take the title lightly! In fact take everything I say lightly. I am completely unable to communicate without sarcasm...a birth defect of sorts. The world is a messed up place, might as well laugh at it while it's still here. My thinking is that this blog may turn into a catching place for all the rants in my head. I swear it's swelling with my vast knowledge of humankind and it's functions....gotta dump it somewhere, and maybe entertain a few along the way. It just baffles me that Buddhists believe that human is the highest level of reincarnation one can achieve......have you visited a zoo lately? Me neither....I prefer to people watch. It's like a zoo, only the apes are wearing clothes, speed dating and buying $40 carpeted steps so their small breed dogs can easily get onto the couch or bed....who needs tv?